1
00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:20,455
Hey, pay attention, fuckers.
2
00:00:20,455 --> 00:00:22,674
I'm riding this
honesty bullshit
3
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:24,415
all the way
to City Hall.
4
00:00:24,415 --> 00:00:25,851
If you're so honest,
5
00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:28,854
then where have you been
the last 25 years... dad?
6
00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:30,117
Dot's on the way to the clinic
7
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:32,554
with your toothbrush,
and your...
8
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:33,642
seamen sample.
9
00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:35,122
You do have one
thing in common...
10
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:36,949
you both hate your
biological fathers.
11
00:00:36,949 --> 00:00:38,908
So...
12
00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:40,997
Oh, genetic
compatibility testing.
13
00:00:40,997 --> 00:00:43,043
You've got to give me
something to take the edge off.
14
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,870
I can't stand
the sight of her.
15
00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,872
Can't stand the sight
of who, Mr. Fitzpatrick?
16
00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:48,526
Who the fuck do you
think I mean, you quack?
17
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:50,702
Can't. Sorry. Alone.
18
00:00:50,702 --> 00:00:53,314
What do you want from me?
What do you want?
19
00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:54,967
Destroy that bitch
Natalie's research
20
00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:56,230
and level the playing field.
21
00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:57,840
Where did the baboon go?
22
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,711
He's HIV positive!
He's dying!
23
00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:01,017
It's up to you, Josh.
24
00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:02,540
Lure that little
fucker out here
25
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:03,802
with your ape-like ass.
26
00:01:03,802 --> 00:01:07,110
Go for the fruit!
Please go for the fruit!
27
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:09,112
I never want to see you
again. Any of you motherfuckers.
28
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:11,071
Great news!
You're not the father.
29
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,724
Let the press know, will ya?
30
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,161
I got shit to do.
31
00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:19,601
You want to get
ahead in the world,
32
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:23,648
it pays to inspire
a little sympathy.
33
00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:25,085
New girl.
34
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,521
My lucky day.
35
00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:32,570
The lost wallet routine?
Really?
36
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:34,746
Step one:
be pathetic.
37
00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:37,009
Forgot my wallet one time
38
00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:38,707
and I'm branded for life.
39
00:01:38,707 --> 00:01:40,752
I guess it's also
my fault I was mugged.
40
00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:42,493
If you call getting smashed
in the back of the head
41
00:01:42,493 --> 00:01:43,929
with a two-by-four a mugging.
42
00:01:43,929 --> 00:01:45,627
That's terrible.
43
00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:47,063
Not as terrible as finding out
44
00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:48,325
my daughter's
sleeping with the man
45
00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:49,935
who put me in the hospital.
46
00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:52,242
Or having my kidney stolen
while I was unconscious.
47
00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:53,852
Or learning that my fiancee
48
00:01:53,852 --> 00:01:56,246
ran off with her ex
on our wedding day.
49
00:01:57,726 --> 00:01:59,641
You poor, poor man.
50
00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:00,903
And now I can't work anymore.
51
00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:02,383
My memory's shot.
52
00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:04,080
I forget things
all the time...
53
00:02:05,777 --> 00:02:07,214
like my wallet...
54
00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:09,129
and I've lost the
ability to do math
55
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,827
so I can't even
figure out your tip!
56
00:02:11,827 --> 00:02:13,350
Fuck!
57
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:16,092
Step two: reject the
first offer for help.
58
00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:17,137
It's on the house.
59
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:21,532
No,
I don't want your sympathy.
60
00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:23,143
I... I just want my life back.
61
00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:26,537
Don't worry.
62
00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:28,539
She'll step up to the plate.
63
00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:30,062
Because human nature
64
00:02:30,062 --> 00:02:33,414
doesn't make you act
compassionate and shit.
65
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,938
Ego does.
66
00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:39,289
I know how to cheer you up.
67
00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:41,117
But if blowing me in the alley
68
00:02:41,117 --> 00:02:44,251
makes her feel superior,
who am I to judge?
69
00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:46,992
One more thing.
70
00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:48,168
Can I count on your vote
71
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,256
in the upcoming
municipal election?
72
00:02:50,866 --> 00:03:30,993
[♪]
73
00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:45,964
See this, nut-crunch?
74
00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:47,575
This is how you
wake someone up.
75
00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:50,099
I can't condone scotch
this early in the day.
76
00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:51,709
So many empty calories.
77
00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:53,276
Shut up, Larry.
78
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:54,495
We're celebrating.
79
00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:56,540
We've jumped ahead
26 points in the polls.
80
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:57,628
Fucking A!
81
00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,587
Yet still two points
behind Chester.
82
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:01,153
If you want to
develop a real lead,
83
00:04:01,153 --> 00:04:03,025
we need to get you ready
for today's debate.
84
00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:07,159
Yeah, public speaking
isn't really my bag.
85
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:09,466
You wanna build
on this momentum?
86
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,599
Play the sympathy card.
87
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:13,731
Make these hillbilly
cousin fuckers
88
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:16,299
feel bad for good old Fitzy.
89
00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:19,433
That'll crush Chester,
not some fucking debate.
90
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:20,782
Yeah.
91
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:21,957
Some kind of illness.
92
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:23,437
Something crippling.
93
00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:25,917
Yeah.
But not the face.
94
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:27,876
We can't manufacture sympathy.
95
00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:30,226
You're the last honest man!
96
00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:31,358
Don't you ever get tired
97
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:32,924
of being the Homosexual
Jiminy Cricket?
98
00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:35,579
Iris says insults are
a sign of weakness.
99
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:36,841
They make talking
blow-up dolls?
100
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,278
You're just jealous.
101
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,062
I can have
any man I want. Anytime I want.
102
00:04:40,062 --> 00:04:41,542
Not that you understand
the complexity
103
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,848
of female-male relationships...
or anything.
104
00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:46,286
We are not cancelling this
debate and that's final.
105
00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:50,420
It would be the death
of this campaign.
106
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:52,944
Larry...
107
00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:54,642
You're absolutely right.
108
00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,383
- I am?
- He is?
109
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,472
And I need you to get my
black suit from the cleaners.
110
00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:00,169
You got it, Councillor.
111
00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:05,174
You better sober up
112
00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:06,088
if you're going to
go through with this.
113
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:08,917
This is
Richard Fitzpatrick.
114
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:11,006
I have to cancel
that thing today...
115
00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:12,224
the debate.
116
00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:13,704
Why?
117
00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:16,838
- Because my sister's dead.
- Genius.
118
00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:19,275
How did she die?
Horribly.
119
00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:22,670
Thank you. Sir.
Thank you very much.
120
00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,106
We better find
that bitch.
121
00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:30,373
Once again, a politician hides
behind liberal buzzwords
122
00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:34,072
like "mental illness"
and "family tragedy".
123
00:05:34,072 --> 00:05:35,944
What the fuck?
124
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:38,947
This time, it's freshman
candidate Richard Fitzpatrick
125
00:05:38,947 --> 00:05:40,731
dropping out of today's debate
126
00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:44,648
"to mourn" the alleged
suicide of his sister Meghan.
127
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:46,911
What the fuck?
128
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:49,566
Inevitable? Probably.
129
00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:51,916
Sad? Not particularly.
130
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:53,265
But one thing is certain:
131
00:05:53,265 --> 00:05:54,789
Richard Fitzpatrick
owes the people
132
00:05:54,789 --> 00:05:57,922
of Coverton one debate.
133
00:05:57,922 --> 00:05:59,402
Oh.
134
00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:01,839
And rest in peace, Meghan.
135
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,102
What the fuck?
136
00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:06,191
This is Melody Gray, reporting.
137
00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:09,325
That's terrible.
138
00:06:09,325 --> 00:06:10,631
I know.
139
00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:12,502
Fitzpatrick's popularity
is going to skyrocket.
140
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,199
Okay.
141
00:06:14,199 --> 00:06:16,985
Thinking caps on.
142
00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:19,944
What trumps "dead sister?"
143
00:06:19,944 --> 00:06:21,859
Like deaf sister.
144
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:23,687
Or who do we know with AIDS?
145
00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:27,648
Chester, I can't believe we're
having this conversation.
146
00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:30,085
I'm not saying
anyone has to die.
147
00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:35,177
How far along are we again?
148
00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:36,265
Chester!
149
00:06:36,265 --> 00:06:38,136
But everyone loves
premature babies.
150
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:40,487
They're little
bundles of hope.
151
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,184
Real little fighters.
152
00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:50,148
I feel like I can't say
anything to you these days!
153
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:57,286
Yeah.
154
00:06:57,286 --> 00:07:00,376
Black... Red...
155
00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:02,639
Where is my leaking
haemorrhoid of a brother?
156
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:04,032
Haven't seen him.
157
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:05,468
He's too busy running around
158
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:07,122
being Big Shot Politician
159
00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:08,819
to hang out with
his old buddy Josh.
160
00:07:08,819 --> 00:07:10,386
Cry me a fucking river.
161
00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:12,083
Apparently I'm dead.
162
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:13,781
It was all over the news.
163
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:17,524
Do I look dead to you?
Do I? Do I?
164
00:07:19,569 --> 00:07:20,483
You kinda smell dead.
165
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,093
Asshole.
166
00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:23,878
Tell Dick I'm looking for him.
167
00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:25,488
No.
Don't tell him.
168
00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:27,882
I'll find him myself.
169
00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:29,753
So if you're not dead...
170
00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:32,147
You must be the...
171
00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:34,715
...undead.
172
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:36,325
[screaming]
173
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:37,718
Fucking stoner.
174
00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:39,197
Joint!
175
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:45,160
Oh I've missed you so much.
176
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,293
How many sisters have to die
177
00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:51,340
before a man can get
a drink around here?
178
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:54,517
Richard, I came as soon
as I heard the news.
179
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:55,866
I'm so sorry.
180
00:07:57,781 --> 00:08:00,610
All right, you
overgrown abortion.
181
00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:02,482
What the fuck did you do?
182
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,179
Your daughter is dead,
and that's your response?
183
00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:07,530
She's not dead,
you little shit.
184
00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:08,792
Elaine?
185
00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:10,533
Look who decided to drop in.
186
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:13,580
If there was ever a time
to set your anger aside,
187
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,103
that time is now.
188
00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:17,105
Go stick your
dick in a toaster.
189
00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:18,759
I can smell
a con a mile off...
190
00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:20,630
and I want my cut.
191
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:21,805
Of course you do.
192
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:23,546
Because that's all
you care about.
193
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:27,115
Are you still harping on
that abandoned child shtick?
194
00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:29,030
You've had - what?
Twenty years to get over it.
195
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:30,684
More like twenty-nine
years, mom.
196
00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:32,816
See? Plenty of time!
197
00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:35,427
You always were lazy.
198
00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,560
So, how did she die?
199
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,606
You do it yourself?
200
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,521
Uh... well.
201
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,697
I knew it was a con.
202
00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:45,699
Lazy and a bad liar.
203
00:08:45,699 --> 00:08:46,874
And you wonder why I left.
204
00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:48,789
How dare you?
205
00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:51,008
Your son is clearly shaken.
206
00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:52,793
The medical examiner
is calling it
207
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,577
an... overdose.
208
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:56,187
Downed a bottle
of tranquilizers
209
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,667
like it was candy.
210
00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:59,321
Meghan can't swallow pills.
211
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:01,628
She chokes like a
cat on a hairball.
212
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:03,020
I always told her:
213
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:04,326
"you'll never keep a husband
214
00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:06,067
with that gag reflex."
215
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:09,200
I don't know which is worse,
216
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,811
the fact that you
think I'm lying,
217
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:14,989
or that you don't care that
your own daughter is dead.
218
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:17,078
Well, someone in this family
219
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:18,340
has to give a
shit about Meghan.
220
00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:20,603
I guess it's up to me
to give that shit.
221
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:21,735
I give a shit.
222
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,084
The funeral is Tuesday.
223
00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:24,694
You can see for yourselves.
224
00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:36,097
You buying that bullshit?
225
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,624
All you have to do is
go away and pretend to be dead.
226
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:42,582
For how long?
227
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,974
A couple of days.
228
00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:45,323
Is that too much
to fucking ask?
229
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:47,412
My family is so
fucking selfish.
230
00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:48,979
Saul disappears with
my son because I'm-
231
00:09:48,979 --> 00:09:50,981
"An incompetent caregiver".
232
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:52,417
Dad only wants me
to be his front
233
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:53,941
for his new dealership.
234
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:56,247
You tell people I'm dead
for your stupid campaign
235
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:57,640
and the only thing
mom ever cared about
236
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:58,989
was stupid cigarettes.
237
00:09:58,989 --> 00:10:00,861
Yeah, you're right.
238
00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:03,472
Throwing a funeral
would be a bad idea.
239
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:05,474
All those people missing you.
240
00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:07,911
Talking about
how great you are.
241
00:10:07,911 --> 00:10:09,260
Were.
242
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:11,915
You'd never do that.
243
00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,656
Yeah...
244
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:17,617
It was going to be
a great funeral.
245
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,793
With...
like flowers?
246
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,664
- Lots of flowers.
- A few flowers.
247
00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:23,535
And a new dress?
248
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:24,580
Fuck.
Fine.
249
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,103
Yes, a new dress.
250
00:10:26,103 --> 00:10:28,192
It would teach
everyone a lesson
251
00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:30,194
about taking me for granted.
252
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:33,197
And think of all that
sympathy for you...
253
00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:34,808
and a certain freshman candidate
254
00:10:34,808 --> 00:10:37,114
who wants to shake
up the status quo.
255
00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:39,377
And everyone will be
emotionally vulnerable.
256
00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:42,990
Who needs internet dating
when you have funerals.
257
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:44,469
Yeah -
258
00:10:44,469 --> 00:10:46,428
it would be great.
259
00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:49,083
But what happens when everyone
finds out I'm still alive?
260
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:51,607
By then I'll be in office
and it's too late.
261
00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:53,696
Besides, Politicians go back
on their word all the time.
262
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:55,393
"I am not a crook";
263
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:57,221
"I didn't have sexual
relations with that woman"
264
00:10:57,221 --> 00:10:58,962
It's no different
from "I didn't know
265
00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,398
my sister wasn't really dead."
266
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:04,272
I want it to be open casket.
267
00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:06,143
I want to be able to
hear everyone crying
268
00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:07,884
and talking about
how they miss me.
269
00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:09,451
I want the coffin to be oak.
270
00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:12,062
And it has to be
lined with silk...
271
00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:13,934
It would be easier
to just kill her.
272
00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:17,328
Don't fucking
tempt me.
273
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:19,722
And you can't hold it
at the DUI.
274
00:11:30,515 --> 00:11:32,343
God, you are so fucking cheap.
275
00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:33,867
The dealership?
Really?
276
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:35,695
You couldn't at least
rent a community center?
277
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,174
Nobody would believe
278
00:11:37,174 --> 00:11:38,610
that I'd waste any more money
on you than I'd have to.
279
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,656
I suppose...
but still...
280
00:11:40,656 --> 00:11:41,918
I had to have my wedding here.
281
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:44,007
So many memories.
282
00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:45,139
Will you get in
the fucking box
283
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:46,749
before Larry or
somebody important
284
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:47,837
sees that you're not dead?
285
00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,230
Here.
286
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:50,840
I wrote a poem for the eulogy.
287
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,929
It's going to make everyone
so sad they'll puke.
288
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:55,627
I think the guest of honour
deserves a glass of champagne.
289
00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:56,759
Champagne.
290
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,500
Now I really am a princess.
291
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,371
A dead one.
292
00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:01,590
But still a princess.
293
00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:04,593
To me.
294
00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:07,814
[laughs]
295
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,077
The bubbles tickle my nose.
296
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:11,426
Hey, why aren't
you drinking...
297
00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:12,775
Son of a bitch.
What's in this?
298
00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:13,863
Just a little something
to ensure you stay still
299
00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:15,125
during the funeral.
300
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:16,605
Not again.
301
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,128
Mother...
302
00:12:18,128 --> 00:12:20,000
fuckers.
303
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,653
Get her feet.
304
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:28,878
[organ music throughout]
305
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:38,714
I did not approve
this funeral.
306
00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:40,977
He still owns 30 percent
of the dealership.
307
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,109
At least we can take advantage
308
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:45,982
of the heathen grief
to sell the Mazda.
309
00:12:45,982 --> 00:12:48,158
You are exceedingly insensitive.
310
00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:54,643
I guess that pile of
shit with a pompadour
311
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:57,472
was telling the truth.
312
00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:59,735
Hard to believe she's dead.
313
00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:01,650
Hard to believe she's quiet.
314
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,478
Show some fucking respect.
315
00:13:03,478 --> 00:13:04,914
A little late to
give a shit, isn't it?
316
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:08,788
Thank you for being here.
317
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,224
Vote for Fitz.
318
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:11,442
I appreciate the support.
319
00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:12,704
Show your support.
320
00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:14,141
It means so much.
321
00:13:14,141 --> 00:13:15,838
He needs you now
more than ever.
322
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:16,970
Very appreciated.
323
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:18,536
Don't forget to vote.
324
00:13:18,536 --> 00:13:20,277
Look at them all
feeling sorry for me.
325
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,543
Black suits you.
326
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:29,504
Could we have one conversation
where you don't hit on me?
327
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:32,246
Nope.
328
00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:35,640
Look, I'm really sorry
about your sister.
329
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:40,384
She was...
she was so...
330
00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:42,647
Yeah.
331
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:47,957
Anyway, when you
get a minute, we need to talk.
332
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:49,480
Richard...
333
00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:52,744
Yeah.
334
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:55,225
It's good to see you,
I guess.
335
00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:57,140
How are you holding up?
336
00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:59,403
I'm gettin' through it...
337
00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,405
...guy.
338
00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:04,321
And you are...
339
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,628
Still trying to
process the news.
340
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,935
I think I'm in denial.
341
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,414
I never thought
this day would come.
342
00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:12,068
Yeah.
343
00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:16,856
Mmm.
344
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,946
Well built. No Ring.
Hair. Dibs.
345
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:21,904
Keep it in your pants, Red.
346
00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:23,253
This is supposed
to be a funeral.
347
00:14:23,253 --> 00:14:24,385
Look who's talking.
348
00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:25,690
Would it hurt you to
shed a few tears?
349
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:28,041
Fitzpatricks don't
have tear ducts.
350
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:30,391
Ask my doctor.
351
00:14:30,391 --> 00:14:31,914
Richard...
352
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:33,350
I'm here for you.
353
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:34,874
If you need anything.
354
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,137
I could use a hug.
355
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,529
- You could?
- You could?
356
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:39,617
Yeah...
357
00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:43,621
[whispers]
Get the photographer.
358
00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:45,319
It's tragedies like
the loss of a loved one,
359
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:46,929
even Meghan,
360
00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:49,584
that lead to
self-reflection,
361
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:51,455
and personal growth.
362
00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:53,153
Richard Fitzpatrick,
get ready...
363
00:14:53,153 --> 00:14:54,241
it's coming for you.
364
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:57,722
Got it, thanks.
365
00:14:57,722 --> 00:15:00,116
[sobbing]
366
00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:07,210
Ha! Ya!
367
00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:09,647
Josh...
368
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,476
Whoa, man!
369
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:14,391
[exhales]
370
00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:16,567
I am wondering
if you can assist
371
00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:20,223
an emotional but not
biological brother.
372
00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:21,833
Little busy here, Buddy.
373
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:27,013
But do you have any more
of that intoxicating herb?
374
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:29,754
Meghan's death is affecting
me more than I thought -
375
00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:31,321
because it is affecting me -
376
00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:33,976
and I need something
to take the edge off.
377
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:39,025
You silly, naive
little brown man.
378
00:15:40,548 --> 00:15:44,204
This...
this is all you're gonna need.
379
00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:45,988
Take it!
380
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:48,599
You kill the brain and
you kill the ghoul.
381
00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:50,993
You got it?
It's go time buddy.
382
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,821
Operation Blackout.
383
00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:54,779
It must have been a top
secret government experiment.
384
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:56,781
The resurrection of the dead.
385
00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:58,783
It's the only explanation.
386
00:15:58,783 --> 00:16:00,002
Zombies.
387
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:02,962
Zombies.
388
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,747
Please, I don't have time
for your immature foolishness.
389
00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:08,315
I need to get high.
390
00:16:11,231 --> 00:16:13,407
Save the last bullet
for yourself.
391
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,018
For yourself.
392
00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:23,939
Here you go.
Almost fresh.
393
00:16:23,939 --> 00:16:26,159
I'm looking for my smokes, dipshit.
394
00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:31,555
[gags]
395
00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:40,086
Champagne?
396
00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:42,392
Thanks, no.
I don't drink.
397
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:44,351
Not anymore.
398
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:48,137
So what do you do?
399
00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:51,053
I just want to be
up front with you.
400
00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,750
I haven't dated
since my divorce.
401
00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:56,276
Oh...
I'll be gentle.
402
00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:10,812
Oh, my little girl.
403
00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:13,902
My poor little princess.
404
00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:24,347
It is so odd to see her
without her mouth moving.
405
00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:27,568
She looks like a
ventriloquist doll.
406
00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:31,224
I have decided
I will miss her.
407
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,835
She was a tigress in bed.
408
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:35,750
Yes, a gentle tigress.
409
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:39,014
With an insatiable appetite.
410
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:42,757
An insatiable appetite
for cuddling...
411
00:17:42,757 --> 00:17:45,803
I will give you a moment.
412
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,942
Allahu akbar!
413
00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:55,813
Zombie!
414
00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,992
♪ [upbeat music]
415
00:18:00,992 --> 00:18:02,516
[indistinct chatter]
416
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:08,739
So, you enjoying the funeral?
417
00:18:08,739 --> 00:18:10,524
Cut the small talk, toots.
418
00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:12,134
We both know
why you're here.
419
00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,831
I seriously doubt
you have any clue.
420
00:18:13,831 --> 00:18:15,442
You signed my nomination form.
421
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,835
Been following me around
like a lost puppy.
422
00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:20,664
Admit it,
you want me to win.
423
00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:24,755
Fitz,
I am here to pay my respects.
424
00:18:24,755 --> 00:18:29,064
To something that's
been on my mind
425
00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:32,067
for the last...
30 weeks now.
426
00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:34,417
Do you get me?
427
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:37,420
Okay, Fitz...
428
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,596
you're the...
429
00:18:39,596 --> 00:18:42,121
you are the...
430
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,600
I'm the what?
431
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,168
You're the bravest
man I know to push on
432
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:49,824
with the election campaign
despite this tragedy.
433
00:18:49,824 --> 00:18:52,392
Chester?
What the hell?
434
00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:55,699
Although, none of us
are strangers to tragedy.
435
00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:58,137
This is low.
Even for you.
436
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,660
How dare you mock
my acute case
437
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,923
of Guillain-Barré Syndrome?
438
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,316
A disease I probably
picked up
439
00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:05,144
volunteering
at the soup kitchen.
440
00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:08,712
[cough]
441
00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:11,324
Rosanne Barr syndrome my ass.
442
00:19:11,324 --> 00:19:12,760
It's a good thing
he brought that wheelchair.
443
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:13,761
He's going to need it.
444
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:15,066
Richard, no.
445
00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:16,633
You need to grieve.
446
00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:18,287
I'll handle this.
447
00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:20,811
Trying to exploit our sympathy
448
00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:23,771
for his own petty
political gain.
449
00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:25,120
The nerve...
450
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,166
Couldn't agree more.
451
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:35,522
Where did those
goddamn cigarettes go?
452
00:19:35,522 --> 00:19:37,219
Cut the act.
453
00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:38,742
This is my last one.
454
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:40,483
Sure it is.
455
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,964
One thing the little retard
was always good for.
456
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:44,792
Going to the store for smokes.
457
00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:46,228
That's because she
stole the change.
458
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:47,708
That crafty little bitch.
459
00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:49,623
She must have got
it from her mother.
460
00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:51,538
All right, one-nut.
461
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:53,322
What's your angle?
462
00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:55,803
I've seen the way you've been
eyeball fucking me all day.
463
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:57,108
No angle.
464
00:19:57,108 --> 00:19:58,284
A proposal.
465
00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,546
Forget it.
466
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:01,896
I don't want to park
my shoes under your bed.
467
00:20:01,896 --> 00:20:03,245
We both know we're like oil
468
00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:05,378
and whatever that shit is
that oil won't mix with.
469
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:07,423
Then what?
470
00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:11,514
What's the one thing we were
always good at together?
471
00:20:11,514 --> 00:20:13,037
Rape fantasies.
472
00:20:13,037 --> 00:20:15,039
And slinging tin.
473
00:20:15,039 --> 00:20:17,651
[laughs]
474
00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:19,653
A new dealership?
You and me?
475
00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:21,132
Just like the old days.
476
00:20:23,091 --> 00:20:25,441
Well,
I'd consider it.
477
00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:28,401
As soon as you apologize.
478
00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:29,837
For what?
479
00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:31,839
Let's start with our
whole fucking marriage
480
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:33,449
and take it from there.
481
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:35,843
I knew you'd be a cock
crunching shrew about this.
482
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:37,236
Fuck that.
483
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,499
A Fitzpatrick
never apologizes.
484
00:20:39,499 --> 00:20:41,370
I'm sorry, but that's
just the way it is.
485
00:20:41,370 --> 00:20:44,765
Then we've got nothing
left to talk about.
486
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:51,685
Fuck.
487
00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:57,125
The mental health apple
never falls far from the tree.
488
00:20:57,125 --> 00:20:59,214
So,
if his sister killed herself,
489
00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:03,305
who's to say Fitzpatrick
isn't just as unstable.
490
00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:05,133
Okay...
491
00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:09,224
So you're saying we can't risk
a madman on city council.
492
00:21:09,224 --> 00:21:10,791
Exactly.
493
00:21:10,791 --> 00:21:13,315
Then just say it.
494
00:21:13,315 --> 00:21:16,492
We... can't risk a madman
on city council.
495
00:21:16,492 --> 00:21:18,015
Beautiful.
496
00:21:18,015 --> 00:21:21,497
[theatrical laugh]
Fascinating.
497
00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:23,543
Would you excuse us
for a moment?
498
00:21:23,543 --> 00:21:24,500
This is off the record.
499
00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:25,762
Of course.
500
00:21:29,331 --> 00:21:31,159
I think I have proven
501
00:21:31,159 --> 00:21:33,727
I will tolerate many
things, Chester Vince.
502
00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:35,729
Many, many things.
503
00:21:35,729 --> 00:21:37,687
But co-opting this
family's funeral
504
00:21:37,687 --> 00:21:40,342
to further your
political aspirations?
505
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:41,561
Not one of them.
506
00:21:41,561 --> 00:21:42,910
Oh really?
507
00:21:42,910 --> 00:21:44,215
I asked around the
police station,
508
00:21:44,215 --> 00:21:47,610
and no one remembers a
911 call for a suicide.
509
00:21:47,610 --> 00:21:51,527
How dare you defile the memory
of Richard's dear sister.
510
00:21:51,527 --> 00:21:53,573
Okay!
It's time to go.
511
00:21:53,573 --> 00:21:55,444
Oh, no, no!
512
00:21:55,444 --> 00:21:57,490
You're not going anywhere.
513
00:21:57,490 --> 00:21:59,492
Not until that casket
is in the ground
514
00:21:59,492 --> 00:22:02,190
and you apologize for doubting
the deep feelings of sadness
515
00:22:02,190 --> 00:22:04,975
this family is
experiencing right now.
516
00:22:04,975 --> 00:22:06,629
It's a free country, Larry.
Let them go.
517
00:22:06,629 --> 00:22:08,283
No, Richard.
518
00:22:08,283 --> 00:22:10,894
Chester Vince accused you of
staging this whole funeral
519
00:22:10,894 --> 00:22:12,505
to elicit voter sympathy.
520
00:22:12,505 --> 00:22:15,421
We're going to make
him eat those words.
521
00:22:15,421 --> 00:22:19,163
At the graveyard when
we bury Meghan Fitzpatrick.
522
00:22:19,163 --> 00:22:20,730
I can't wait.
523
00:22:22,602 --> 00:22:23,559
All right,
let's go.
524
00:22:23,559 --> 00:22:25,126
Nice work, Larry.
525
00:22:25,126 --> 00:22:26,388
I've always got
your back, buddy.
526
00:22:26,388 --> 00:22:27,389
Oh, you've got a -
527
00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:28,869
Get your fuckin'
hands off me.
528
00:22:30,610 --> 00:22:32,394
- Trouble?
- Depends.
529
00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:34,396
How much air do you
think this coffin holds?
530
00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:35,832
Don't worry.
531
00:22:35,832 --> 00:22:38,705
She'll wake up long
before the air runs out.
532
00:22:38,705 --> 00:22:40,359
Fuck!
533
00:22:41,795 --> 00:22:45,059
Hey everyone, could we hurry
the fuck up to the graveyard?
534
00:22:45,059 --> 00:22:47,409
This corpse isn't
gonna bury itself.
535
00:22:47,409 --> 00:22:50,412
Ha! Okay,
here we go, let's go.
536
00:22:50,412 --> 00:22:51,239
Let's go, guys...
537
00:22:52,762 --> 00:22:57,201
And it sure as shit
ain't gonna rise.
538
00:23:02,598 --> 00:23:08,735
[indistinct chatter]
539
00:23:15,002 --> 00:23:17,004
Meghan wrote this
before she died.
540
00:23:19,310 --> 00:23:20,486
Fuck.
541
00:23:20,486 --> 00:23:23,576
Dear Richard,
I'll make this brief.
542
00:23:23,576 --> 00:23:27,449
I just want to take a second
to say how wonderful it is
543
00:23:27,449 --> 00:23:30,191
that you all turned out
to support my brother.
544
00:23:30,191 --> 00:23:33,281
It's a touching gesture
in a time of need,
545
00:23:33,281 --> 00:23:34,717
and when he is elected-
546
00:23:34,717 --> 00:23:35,805
I've got something to say.
547
00:23:35,805 --> 00:23:37,285
Son of a bitch, can't it wait?
548
00:23:37,285 --> 00:23:39,418
Fuck off.
549
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:40,897
Elaine.
550
00:23:40,897 --> 00:23:42,856
We've had our ups and downs.
551
00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:46,642
But if there's one person
I want in my corner, it's you.
552
00:23:46,642 --> 00:23:47,687
Oh, for fuck's sake.
553
00:23:47,687 --> 00:23:49,340
So if it takes an apology
554
00:23:49,340 --> 00:23:50,994
to get you back in
business with me,
555
00:23:50,994 --> 00:23:52,474
then Elaine-
556
00:23:52,474 --> 00:23:54,607
Richard, here it comes...
557
00:23:54,607 --> 00:23:56,478
emotional growth...
558
00:23:56,478 --> 00:23:58,306
I am sorry.
559
00:23:58,306 --> 00:24:01,527
Yeah, I'm not feeling it.
560
00:24:01,527 --> 00:24:03,790
I'm sorry you're a
filthy lying whore!
561
00:24:03,790 --> 00:24:04,834
And there it goes.
562
00:24:04,834 --> 00:24:06,183
You know what
I've been through?
563
00:24:06,183 --> 00:24:09,056
I can't believe you'd stoop
so low.
564
00:24:09,056 --> 00:24:11,101
I have an election to win.
565
00:24:11,101 --> 00:24:12,625
And I need your help.
566
00:24:12,625 --> 00:24:15,497
Try thinking about someone
besides yourself for a change.
567
00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:18,500
That's all I've been doing
for the last 30 weeks.
568
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:19,936
[shouting continues]
569
00:24:19,936 --> 00:24:21,024
You could have fooled me.
570
00:24:21,024 --> 00:24:23,549
Oh, really?
Watch me.
571
00:24:23,549 --> 00:24:24,985
Now, if I may continue... Fitz!
572
00:24:28,292 --> 00:24:31,034
Chester, I'm leaving you!
573
00:24:33,863 --> 00:24:35,430
And I'm sorry for your loss.
574
00:24:37,084 --> 00:24:38,825
Ali-bear?
575
00:24:38,825 --> 00:24:40,566
Wait!
576
00:24:40,566 --> 00:24:42,655
[crowd gasps]
577
00:24:42,655 --> 00:24:46,006
You faked an illness
to get sympathy?
578
00:24:46,006 --> 00:24:49,749
What kind of monster
would do that?
579
00:24:49,749 --> 00:24:52,795
[crowd murmuring]
580
00:24:52,795 --> 00:24:54,449
Why is it so dark in here?
581
00:24:54,449 --> 00:24:57,191
Fitz! Hurry up!
582
00:24:58,627 --> 00:25:00,716
So, in conclusion,
583
00:25:00,716 --> 00:25:03,371
and in light of Chester
Vince being retarded
584
00:25:03,371 --> 00:25:06,461
and not handicapped,
Vote Fitz!
585
00:25:06,461 --> 00:25:08,637
Now let's get to the wake.
First round's on Larry.
586
00:25:08,637 --> 00:25:10,160
[screaming]
587
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,512
You motherfucker!
You never read my poem!
588
00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:14,774
You're alive?
589
00:25:14,774 --> 00:25:16,297
Fucking right I am.
590
00:25:16,297 --> 00:25:17,777
Get mommy some smokes.
591
00:25:17,777 --> 00:25:19,648
Fuck you!
592
00:25:19,648 --> 00:25:21,607
[indistinct crowd murmuring]
593
00:25:21,607 --> 00:25:23,130
Motherfucking assholes.
594
00:25:25,219 --> 00:25:27,134
Saul?
595
00:25:27,134 --> 00:25:31,138
You brought a date to your
ex-wife's fucking funeral?
596
00:25:31,138 --> 00:25:33,183
You ruined my life.
597
00:25:33,183 --> 00:25:34,489
[laughs]
598
00:25:34,489 --> 00:25:35,577
You slept with her?
599
00:25:35,577 --> 00:25:36,970
Hey...
600
00:25:36,970 --> 00:25:39,102
I drank a 3 into a 7 and
woke up married, okay?
601
00:25:40,103 --> 00:25:42,584
You, get away from him!
602
00:25:42,584 --> 00:25:44,630
Die, zombie fiend.
603
00:25:44,630 --> 00:25:46,936
Zombie! She must die!
604
00:25:46,936 --> 00:25:48,198
Again.
605
00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:52,594
You shot me!
606
00:25:52,594 --> 00:25:53,900
Oh my God!
607
00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:55,075
Try again!
Try again!
608
00:25:55,075 --> 00:25:56,685
What does a woman
have to do around here
609
00:25:56,685 --> 00:25:58,034
to get a cigarette?
610
00:25:58,034 --> 00:26:00,254
[screaming throughout]
611
00:26:00,254 --> 00:26:01,560
Are you in?
612
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:02,865
Fine.
613
00:26:02,865 --> 00:26:04,780
[gunfire continues]
614
00:26:04,780 --> 00:26:06,086
Fuck it!
615
00:26:06,086 --> 00:26:10,786
[screaming]
616
00:26:10,786 --> 00:26:15,269
You faked your sister's death
to get votes?
617
00:26:15,269 --> 00:26:16,705
Oh, Richard.
618
00:26:16,705 --> 00:26:21,362
What do you have to say for
yourself, Mr. Fitzpatrick?
619
00:26:21,362 --> 00:26:22,755
My sister's alive.
620
00:26:22,755 --> 00:26:24,713
It's... a miracle!
621
00:26:24,713 --> 00:26:26,367
[awkward laughter]